Dear Daddy,

     This is your oldest daughter. I am writing you to tell you that I forgive you. This letter has been a long time coming but I thought it was not necessary. I thought somehow I forgave you for leaving but I realize now that I have not. So this is my way to release you from my hurt.

I took you leaving the family personally, I was young. I did not know any better. I thought our family was perfect and in my little world it was. Four children and two parents in a house with love was perfection to me.

I remember the day I walked into the house from school and saw all that luggage at the door. I could not keep it together. I asked you what was going on and you could not even tell me. I was hurt and all I could do was cry under the kitchen table. I cried so hard that I fell asleep under that table. After that day my emotions are a blur. I know I cried for almost a year because mommy told me but I do not remember how I felt during that time. But I do know that my childhood was over that day. After that day at a young age of almost nine I became the stepparent. I cooked, cleaned, and cared for your child that was less than 12 months old in place of you. It was hard for me to be responsible but I did it because I love my siblings. Every time we saw you, you closed yourself off from us like we were the enemy. You left us in your living room while you were in your bedroom for years. Your son resents you for it. You have not spoken to him in more than six years.

But through all of that I some how was made to keep it together, to be the strength out of your children. I do that for them but I was mad at you. We speak on a regular basis but the conversation is so superficial. I do not know what to say to you anymore. I do not believe that my life or my siblings' life is important to you. But that is beside the point right now.

I want to let you know that today is the end of your actions affecting my relationships. I leave you with my sadness and fear now because it is your turn to carry that burden. No I do not need an explanation because at this point it does not matter. I realize now that your actions had nothing to do with me. I just happened to be in the cross fires of your actions. Yes I was wounded but I am ready to properly heal this wound of mine. It has not been cared for properly since it was inflicted and I am ready to do that. I do not mind the scar that maybe left but I do not want the pain. I want to be free from this chapter.

I am ready to not be afraid of love and what it may bring in my life. I am ready to not be afraid of the pain love may cause. I am ready to open myself up to someone now because I am tired of hurting people because of you.

-Your Oldest Daughter