Black as the Pit from pole to pole, I thank whatever gods may be For my unconquerable soul. In the fell clutch of circumstance I have not winced nor cried aloud. Under the bludgeonings of chance My head is bloody, but unbowed. Beyond this place of wrath and tears Looms but the Horror of the shade, And yet the menace of the years Finds, and shall find, me unafraid. It matters not how strait the gate, How charged with punishments the scroll, I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul. |
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Invictus by William Ernest Henley
Thursday, May 19, 2011
To the Messenger
Thank you for opening my eyes, heart, mind, and spirit to this life. I am living in every moment, conscious, and open to this life.
Saturday, April 9, 2011
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Dear Daddy,
This is your oldest daughter. I am writing you to tell you that I forgive you. This letter has been a long time coming but I thought it was not necessary. I thought somehow I forgave you for leaving but I realize now that I have not. So this is my way to release you from my hurt.
I took you leaving the family personally, I was young. I did not know any better. I thought our family was perfect and in my little world it was. Four children and two parents in a house with love was perfection to me.
I remember the day I walked into the house from school and saw all that luggage at the door. I could not keep it together. I asked you what was going on and you could not even tell me. I was hurt and all I could do was cry under the kitchen table. I cried so hard that I fell asleep under that table. After that day my emotions are a blur. I know I cried for almost a year because mommy told me but I do not remember how I felt during that time. But I do know that my childhood was over that day. After that day at a young age of almost nine I became the stepparent. I cooked, cleaned, and cared for your child that was less than 12 months old in place of you. It was hard for me to be responsible but I did it because I love my siblings. Every time we saw you, you closed yourself off from us like we were the enemy. You left us in your living room while you were in your bedroom for years. Your son resents you for it. You have not spoken to him in more than six years.
But through all of that I some how was made to keep it together, to be the strength out of your children. I do that for them but I was mad at you. We speak on a regular basis but the conversation is so superficial. I do not know what to say to you anymore. I do not believe that my life or my siblings' life is important to you. But that is beside the point right now.
I want to let you know that today is the end of your actions affecting my relationships. I leave you with my sadness and fear now because it is your turn to carry that burden. No I do not need an explanation because at this point it does not matter. I realize now that your actions had nothing to do with me. I just happened to be in the cross fires of your actions. Yes I was wounded but I am ready to properly heal this wound of mine. It has not been cared for properly since it was inflicted and I am ready to do that. I do not mind the scar that maybe left but I do not want the pain. I want to be free from this chapter.
I am ready to not be afraid of love and what it may bring in my life. I am ready to not be afraid of the pain love may cause. I am ready to open myself up to someone now because I am tired of hurting people because of you.
-Your Oldest Daughter
Saturday, March 19, 2011
The parent and the child
The Parent
As a parent you hope to be with your child to watch them grow and become someone worth while. You hope that you are there to pick them up when they fall and take care of them when they are sick. You try to think of any scenario that may harm your child but of course you cannot. But when that day comes when they no longer need the training wheels on their bike or stool to stand on, you cry. You cry because your baby that you had to protect is now growing up. They have their own opinions, thoughts, and tastes. They now argue with you and although they do not do as you say you love them anyway.
The Child
As a child you depend on your parents. You do as they say not usually as they do. You count on them for your survival. You trust that they give you good advice and do not steer you wrong. But sometimes they cannot prevent everything that happens to you like your scrapped knee or hurt feelings. You sometimes blame them for not telling you or warning you but there is nothing you can do now because it is all in the past. You realize you cannot be protected from everything. And until you are mature you really cannot appreciate what they do.
Our perspectives are similar but completely different. Parents think they do everything right but children think they are all wrong. But some how we both age to come to an understanding of the past. Although there is nothing our parents can do to fix what they did we can still carry our knowledge to the next generation. If this is the case then is what we learn really profound enough to cause change?
As a parent you hope to be with your child to watch them grow and become someone worth while. You hope that you are there to pick them up when they fall and take care of them when they are sick. You try to think of any scenario that may harm your child but of course you cannot. But when that day comes when they no longer need the training wheels on their bike or stool to stand on, you cry. You cry because your baby that you had to protect is now growing up. They have their own opinions, thoughts, and tastes. They now argue with you and although they do not do as you say you love them anyway.
The Child
As a child you depend on your parents. You do as they say not usually as they do. You count on them for your survival. You trust that they give you good advice and do not steer you wrong. But sometimes they cannot prevent everything that happens to you like your scrapped knee or hurt feelings. You sometimes blame them for not telling you or warning you but there is nothing you can do now because it is all in the past. You realize you cannot be protected from everything. And until you are mature you really cannot appreciate what they do.
Our perspectives are similar but completely different. Parents think they do everything right but children think they are all wrong. But some how we both age to come to an understanding of the past. Although there is nothing our parents can do to fix what they did we can still carry our knowledge to the next generation. If this is the case then is what we learn really profound enough to cause change?
Friday, March 18, 2011
Monday, March 14, 2011
At what point do you wave your white flag and surrender...
To yourself? As I reviewed my blog and the space that I was in then I wonder if much has changed. I believe that much has but I cannot be sure. There has been a variety of things that may have warranted change but what did I actually change? I believe the fact that I cannot place a moment on change means there has not been much change. How does one move to change? What does change look like?
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Starting New
It took me while to figure out if I really wanted to change my blog name and address. I feel like I am abandoning the blog that I started in April of 2008 instead of just dusting off the cob webs. I actually have not posted anything of substance on that blog since November 2010. That is such a long time! I realized that I was deterred from writing on my blog because of the company that read it. So essentially I did not feel free to speak what was in me. But now I am older, hopefully wiser, and ready to take on writing again for me. So bring your snacks and favorite tea and enjoy the read!
Welcome All
Hello Beautiful People. I would like to welcome you to Inquiring Me and hope that your inquiring mind is enlightened here and where ever you read. Enjoy!
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